In between

This post is not G specific. It's my whole family, myself, as a mother. Myself, as a person, really. The last post and the the email thread I talked about in that post have had me thinking. We don't really fit in to any sort of mold as a family, as a mother, as a person. Are too crunchy, or weird for my "maintream" friends, not crunchy enough for my natural minded friends. So we are in between. Kinda sucks. I feel like we experience judgement from both sides at times. My kids watch too much tv, or we vaccinated our kids (slowly, carefully) , or we decided to medicate G, so sometimes the natural community thinks we don't belong there. My mainstream friends can't believe we didn't follow the prescribed vax schedule to a T and think breastfeeding my daughter for nearly 2 1/2 years is insane. So where DO we fit in?

Know what. Here is a secret...... I don't care! We fit in together, as a family. We compliment each other, and we make our unit work. That is the only thing that matters. So we will just keep plugging away, doing what we do. Making choices that work for us. People need to remind themselves that most of the time, parents are doing the best they can for their kids. Making the best choices they can with their kids best interest at heart.

Judgement

*sigh*. That's all I got right now. There is an email thread on the AP/natural parenting board about ADHD. people are saying things like "it's often a result of poor nutrition, too much soda, etc". And my favorite" changing nutrition isn't as easy as along them swallow a pill every day.....". Wow, just freaking wow. Judgment, yet again. And again, and again. And I realize that this is something that is always going to be part if our lives. Always going to be part of G's life. He is always going to have someone who thinks he choose the wrong path, who thinks he is strange, who just..doesn't.get.it.

Sleepovers

G has this awesome friend M. He slept over at M's house last night. Sleepover nights at M's give me a little break. I hate to say it, but its true. T goes to bed early, and J gets some much needed one on one time. And G has a blast,staying up realllllllly late, playing wii, eating little ceasers pizza. its a tween boys idea of heaven. i need to get over my guilt of liking the break, or welcoming a little less chaos into the house for just one night.

Choices

Choices completely overwhelm him. I never realized how many choices people make through out the day until I had a kid who melts down at the very thought of having to choose. I remember once whehe was about 6, my parents sent the kids some money in a valentines card. He had 10 dollars to spend in the toy store. Every kids dream, right? Well, not my kid. He was sitting on the floor, with a toy in each hand crying, sobbing, because he couldn't figure out which to get. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not swoop in and tell hm he could get both. As a mom, you want to take away pain, and protect your child from feeling that. But as a parent of a kid with AS, you need to do the opposite, sort of. You need to help them get through it. You need to help them face it. And it's painful,and messy filled with tears. I'm sure a lot of parents in the store that day thought we had a pretty spoiled kid. Stomping feet, crying that he couldn't decide, but they don't know what i know.

He wasn't even diagnosed yet at that point. But I remember feeling right in that moment, that my life as a mother was never going to be the same.

Mothering G

I'm starting this because I need to get it out. I need to have a journal, of sorts. G has aspergers syndrome. There I said it. people who know me know that this is a fact. Part of our lives, part of who I am as a mother. But no one really understands what it means to parent G. To mother G. No one knows what daily life is like mothering a child with aspergers. Its hard. damn hard. And sometimes i feel like I am the only one who knows what that is like. Sometimes I feel alone. Just like I am sure sometimes he feels alone. but the thing about parenting a kid with aspergers is that just when you are at your wits end, just when you think you can not do another day the way things are, there is a moment where you know they get it, and you reached them and helped them get through the one hard, tough, out of control thing they are going through. and you feel re energized,and ready to face the next day. the next meltdown, the next whatever, because you know its worth it. he is worth it.

So, G just turned 12, so Im going to tell you 12 things about G

1 - he has the most amazing eyes i have ever seen, sometimes blue, sometimes green, sometimes a crazy combination of the two
2 - he loves babies. loves them. and babies love him. his band instructor told me when he gets older they are going to hire him as a baby sitter because he is so good with his babies, and they love G
3 - he doesn't do it often, but when he laughs, like really really laughs hard, a good deep belly laugh, it makes me want to do whatever I can to hear it again
4- he loves karate. he has his green belt, hoping to earn purple in the spring
5- sometimes, connecting with him is hard
6- sometimes, connecting with him is easy
7- you never know what kind of day you are going to get, the easy connection, or the hard connection. but I can tell within 15 seconds of him getting out of bed
8- he loves phinneas and ferb
9 - he devours books for breakfast
10 - his favorite color is now and will always be orange
11- he is crazy smart
12 - when he melts in and gives you a good snuggle, it will change your life :)

so there you go.