Longest blogging break ever :)

I haven't blogged in ages. I know no one is really paying attention, but wow, long break! But now I need to get back into it. I want to say this out loud, even though no one is listening :)

ASPERGERS SUCKS!

There, I said it. It sucks. It blows. I hate that it has to be part of our lives. Because its not just part of G's life, it's part of our family. When J has to wait, again, because G is melting down and well into hour two, it affects our family. When T is so frustrated she could spit because G has an idea of how he wants to play with her, and she doesn't fit into his box, it affects our family. When I desperately want to feel a connection, any kind of connection and he is just not able, it affects our family. This is the biggest one for me, I can handle the meltdowns, I've actually gotten pretty good at navigating through them. I can handle the sibling squabbles, no matter how out of the ordinary. I hate hate HATE feeling like it is so difficult to connect to G. I am having a hard time with that this week. I take G to therapy every other week about 40 minute drive from home. And every time in the car, he sits in silence, staring out the window, or reading. Trying to engage him in a conversation is worse then pulling teeth. Last night was one of those nights. When I tried to talk about this specifically with G, his response was "I'm sorry you feel like its hard to have a conversation with me". Ugh, so not what I said. I want it to be easy. I carried him for 9 1/2 stinking months. I spent 24 hours a day with him for the first 3 yrs of his life until he went to preschool 2 hours twice a week. When my sweet little 4 day old decided after bottle number 1 that he not only didn't want my nipple, he would only take a certain bottle with a certain nipple, I pumped like crazy, and made sure even though it was a bottle, he was being fed with love. And yet, I can't just have a simple conversation with him when the two of us are confined in car. It's killing me. I am having a very hard time. But, like every other aspect of aspergers, I will figure out a way to get through it. I will drive him back to therapy in 2 weeks, and try like hell to engage him in some sort of conversation. Try like hell to connect with him I whatever litte way I can. It's all I want to do.